Saying Goodbye Sucks

Last night, Jen came on to say that she's cancelling her account. Maybe forever, maybe indefinitely, maybe just until she gets the itch to play again.

It's a conversation I hate having. And yes, she's on a couple of my IM clients, so I'll try to stay in touch. And yes, her LJ is on my Google Reader, so I'll read her whenever she posts. And yes, she hasn't been in game much anyway due to life away from the internet.

But still...I hate it every time. I hate saying goodbye. I suck at it. I either get way calm and fail to really tell that friend how important they are, or I get way emotional and fail to sound sane. I think I did both last night.

See...it's confusing. Yes, she's leaving, but the reasons are good ones. There are positive things happening in her life right now, and I know that it's a very good thing that she takes the time to take care of those things. But, she's one of the first people I met when I joined the AoC, and of the friendships that lasted beyond that coalition, well... Jen is honest and frank, and she earned my respect the moment she came to me about rumors that killed my friendships with others. She's got an offbeat sense of humor and a unique outlook on stuff that I really like.

And she's the latest in a string of goodbyes and disappearances that I've come to have a really hard time with overall.

You see...because I know we said we'd stay in touch, but the truth is, so few people do. I miss so many of those people, too. It's a lesson I never seemed to learn - saying goodbye. I have a list of people as long as my arm that I still miss and would just love to talk to or run a mission with or get on the phone with, and it's very hard to make new friends (though we have!) knowing that eventually they'll leave or we'll leave or things will just fall apart all over again.

I have learned one thing about saying goodbye: It's not as much an ending as it feels like - for me or the other person - but it's a stepping stone or a page turned or any of a number of those silly cliches that actually turn out to have some kind of truth to them, however badly simplified they are.

So, I just wanted to say again here... Good luck, Jen. Congratulations on the new house and that feeling of moving forward. I wish very good things for you and hope you do get the bug to come back to the game and hang out with us. Let us know when you guys get settled. I've always got at least one IM client on. :)