Islands of Anxiety

A little over a month ago, Caedyn brought home the permission slip for the sixth grade field trip. He was excited. Hell, I read it, and I was excited! The sixth grade class end-of-year field trip is at Universal Studios' Islands of Adventure. They've got roller coasters and a Spider-man ride!

Finances here have been a bit tight lately, so I called my aunt, and she generously paid for the trip. I filled out the permission form, Mike got Caedyn's insurance card copied (required to be attached to the form), and we marked the calendar.

Then, about a week ago, it hit me. My baby was going to be four hours away in another city with a bunch of public school employees. I spent the night laying there in bed, tossing and turning, as the most horrific possibilities inundated my mind, complete with vivid mental images. Everything - from him forgetting his spending money and not being able to eat all day to some stranger snatching him from the park to freak ride accidents - started playing through my head over and over.

I prayed angels around him for this trip. I prayed for safety. I prayed for him to have a good time.

What I should have prayed for was my sanity. I've been a wreck all week. I've spent the entire week smiling when we've talked about today, making sure he understood the "safety rules" without talking about my fears and anxieties. I've reminded myself that I'm the mother of one of the smartest kids in the state. I've tried to curb my emotional outbursts to keep them from affecting him (and poor Mike has taken the brunt of the lion's share of that without batting an eyelash, bless his heart. I really did marry a prince.).

Last night, I took something to help me sleep, reminding myself to have faith in God to take care of my only baby and in my husband to get him to the school in time to leave this morning.

All this built up to today.

I just got off the phone with him. He's having a blast. He's eating pizza with his friend, Sam, and they got soaked on Dudley DooRite's Ripsaw Falls. I'm so so happy for him. He deserves this.

But I've begun to wonder...

Why did I quit drinking when I became a mother? :P