A word with my fellow rp'ers, please

Now that I've been laughed at and brushed off by a couple of you in relation to this subject, I have a thing or two I'd like to say.

I've got my limitations. Recognizing them and learning how best to work with them is my responsibility. Respecting them is yours.

For those of you that grumble that I don't play with you enough yet refuse to at least give me a time frame during which I can be available to do so...

My limitation is this: I'm Bipolar with a generalized anxiety disorder. Among the various problems this has produced in my life, there are periods of depression that are heavily populated with anxiety-related symptoms. Yes, medication helps curb the worst of these symptoms, but it doesn't negate them. To function better (and by function, sometimes, I just mean get out of bed in the morning), there are behavioural habits that I've learned called 'coping mechanisms'. One of my coping mechanisms is scheduling.

Scheduling activities - even showers on some days - can help give a focus to a mind that is falling into hurtful systems of thought that we tend to call 'loops' in my household. A loop sucks dog balls, because I get locked into a pattern of thought that continuously repeats and feeds back on itself with no clear way of stopping. You can say "So think of something else", but it's not that simple. Even with that focus of 'I'm going to stop at 2pm and eat lunch', the loop often still exists, but now it has taken a backseat to a goal and may possibly dissipate over time. Indefinites and sudden changes exacerbate the problem. Sometimes, they even create whole new loops.

So, when I say, "When do you want to get together to do this particular scene?" or "When can you play these characters?"...

And you say, "Sure, we'll do that." without giving any clear indication of a when, because you don't like to be pinned down...

Well, honestly? It's hard for me. Especially when you come back later and tell me that I don't play that particular character enough or gave up on waiting on me. I have more than enough guilt trips of my own without you adding to them.

Say, "I'd like to do that tomorrow. I should be on around 3, but if I'm not on by 3:30, something came up." if you have to.

Just...something...please.

Don't accuse me of being too busy for seeking a little structure to keep my tenuous hold on what's left of my sanity. Work with me.

Or don't and leave me alone.

Rant done.