Goodbye 2009

Well, it's been a year of deep valleys for us here in the Danow household, but it's also been a year of blessings.

It started with what is possibly the worst (and definitely the longest) depression I've experienced in my life. However, God blessed us with the most understanding and insightful doctor who helped us find just the right medication cocktail to usher in some of the most stable moments I think I've ever experienced. I went back to therapy (which I love), and even though I still have more than my fair share of mood swings, they seem milder, more controllable, and shorter than the ups and downs of years past.

Then, another blow came in the form of my father-in-law's cancer, which didn't respond to chemo, and we spent a lot of time in the beginning of the summer in the hospice where he spent his final days. Let me tell you people, this was so hard for all of us. We lost a father, a great man, and a good friend. His gift to me was unconditional love and acceptance, and the lessons he taught me will stay with me all of my life. There was a blessing here too, though, in the form of the chance to become closer to Mike's sister, brother, and mother. As a family, they came together in the most extraordinary way to be there for each other (and for me!), and I will never forget their love and warmth.

During all of this, we were also dealing with a compressed disc in my back, likely caused by the weight gain from my new medication regiment and the 3 months of depression during which I was very sedentary. MRIs, pain meds, physical therapy. It was...awful, painful, and taxing. Finally, when I was so overwhelmed by it all, we finally found a doctor who recommended epidurals, and I was blessed again with the end of it all in August!

This year has seen us through a lot of financial hardship as well, and it seems that every time we cried out to God for help, He was there - from Mom winning exactly the amount of money we needed to keep from being evicted to a grant from a foundation that helps employees at Firestone. Not once have we gone hungry. Not once have we gone without the things we most needed. At every instance of financial hardship, God was there with a miracle. I'm so humbled.

Finally, the holidays - my first on this medication. Christmas is by far my favorite time of year, but in the past, it's been marred by anxiety and depression. This year, not only did we manage a little shopping money for presents, but I got to go Christmas shopping! I got to spend Christmas Eve in a house full of people, and not once did I get overwhelmed! I talked, I laughed, I hugged! I can't tell you how wonderful it was! It was truly the best Christmas ever, and it was full of family and warmth and I smiled so much! I even sat in a theater full of people a few days later when we went to a movie and dinner for Mike's birthday. I know that sounds ordinary for most, but believe me when I say it was extraordinary for me.

I had originally thought to say 2009 sucked (which parts of it really did), but I think the lessons we're taking from it and the high note on which it has ended are truly what I'll be taking from it as we go into 2010. I hope you find the blessings of this past year outweigh the valleys and you have a blessed and happy new year!