Just Float

There have been times where we all get overwhelmed. You know the days. Too much going on, too much stress, etc. I liken it to drowning when it starts to really push all the right depressive buttons to send me into a never-ending spiral of negativity and/or exhaustion.

A few years ago, while describing this to Mike, he reminded me that I have a tendency to fight hard against everything I'm feeling or experiencing. And, in the case of drowning - for those of you who get a good swimming reference - he reminded me that the worst thing a drowning person can do is fight and thrash, because it makes you sink faster. The safest thing to do when you realize that you're drowning and the undertow is dragging you underwater faster is to stop fighting and relax so that you begin to float toward the surface. Once you reach the surface of the water, you can start treading water and get your bearings to find the right direction to swim. He was right, too. He's known me all my life, and he's watched me do this time and again.

So, in the face of that rapidly worsening depression, Mike gave me the best tool in my coping mechanism toolbox - he suggested that I stop fighting and let myself float.

Ever since then, when I realize I'm beginning to sink deeper and deeper emotionally into that place, he reminds me that I need to float. It may take a day or a week - and by no means is it a permanent solution - but it helps a lot.

This entire summer has been hell on wheels, and it's ramping up into a huge undertaking that requires a bit of a leap of faith that making the changes mentioned in my last post can only be better than what we're facing if we don't make those changes. And I'm on board. Part of me is very excited to be moving forward and looking forward to throwing myself into my part of the big moving plan.

But, today, I woke up in a state of mind that I just can't shake.

I need to float.

-Lela