You won't find fair weather here, so leave

You know, I get sick to death of people who only seem interested in you when you're up and happy. They call you their friends until you're having a bad day and three words from them don't cheer you up so they can make everything about them again.

Here's the deal. Things here are damn tough. In fact, a lot of very good people are having a hard time, so it's not like it's anything new or special. Personally? I'm in a lot of pain without the benefit of pain meds, and I've got a pile of really stupid real life crap to deal with both here and with family members who have it worse than me at the moment.

Don't ask how I am just so you can get mad at me for not being cheered up by some silly lame joke or comment that's supposed to make me all better. If you don't know what to say, then just don't say anything. You come across as stupid and petty when you belittle me for making you feel bad by saying I'm having a crappy day. That's just...well, damnit, it's assinine. This isn't about you. It's about my life.

You see...this is one of the reasons I just stopped talking to damn near everyone. I don't want to answer the question "How are you?" because I'm not gonna lie and say everything's okay anymore. I can't. I did that for two years, and I lied to everyone about how bad things really got in order to ensure that everyone could be happy and not worry about me, and the one person I trusted enough to tell the truth to turned out to be the very very wrong person to trust.

The truth is that the answer to that dreaded question is "I'm not okay, and I feel like I'm sinking". And the hardest part about all of this is that everything that threatens to throw me into a depression right now is external. This is me buckling under the stress of things I can't fix. I can't get up and go take care of problem A, B, or even C at the moment. I have to be patient and wait for circumstances or nature or a phone call, etc. etc. This is me stumbling on the "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" part.